A narrative of existence

Every story has one thing in common, no matter where or when it came forth... Every story comes from someones experiences, in other words every story is about life, from Saw III to Homer's Iliad and the Odyssey. While some stories are so gnarly and intense one may wonder what kind of sick imagination thought it up, you still must accept that these imagined actions are products of experiences. They are all products of the stories of life. It may be the story of doing what ever it takes to pay the bills or the story about falling out of love. What ever it may be, life is a fascinating tale.

I myself am very familiar with the roller coaster of existence. There have been numerous narratives already in the quarter of a century that I've been around. Some I've cherished, others I've shed and left behind, but all of them have shaped me into the man I am right now. Some of our stories can empower us, some dis-empower us, still there are narratives that have the potential to do both. An example of such with which I am intimately familiar with is the death of a loved one. My father passed away rather suddenly just after New Years 2003. We were very close, he was my role model, my rock, my mentor and his death was a destabilizing shock to my world. My life following this crossroad event was one of chaos and turmoil. Getting kicked out of the house by my step mother, I had moved back to my fathers when I returned from Europe the previous fall., and living in the East Bay as a homeless couch hopper isn't a glamorous as it sounds. Fortunately I had my brother to depend on, for a while at least. He'd just had a son and was living in a one bedroom apartment with his girlfriend. This gave me a couch to rely on but if you've ever lived in a small apartment then you know three's a crowd and four is a riot.

During this time I experienced what it's like to be a begger, a freeloader, an opportunists, a pimp, an addict, a hustler, and a delinquent. Now, I recognize the negative connotations that these words carry with them, but they have their uses and at times can be empowering. I did what I needed to do in order to survive and I'm a better person today for the choices I made and events I experienced. To this extent I embrace that time in my life. I learned things that will never leave me, lessons that I can pass on to others as advise and suggestions. I saw and felt life that some can only imagine and others are afraid of, but it made me... me.

While loss leading to growth is a wonderful thing, this growth comes in many facets and stages. There came a time when my wonderings needed to come to an end. There was a point, literally a single event/ day/ minute, when I realized that there was no more to be offered there. Where I consciously began to break down the current narrative and re-construct another. The previous life was starting to disempower me, I was losing myself. It is important of us to realize in life when things have gone too far, I've seen people loss themselves before, it is not a pretty sight, in fact it's one of saddest things you'll ever see. It was at this point that a embraced a new narrative. I rediscovered a story of responsibility, of diligence, of love and faith.

In this fashion life progresses fruitfully, unspoiled by the long journey. What is good for you at one moment may not be at another. So a narrative is embraced for a time but must be left behind, disregarded and another begun. Thus the roller coaster of life continues, but also climbs higher in existence.